The days are slipping by and i can hardly control this flow of my life. I hate this..I hate the way things seemed to happen in a slow trickle when the year started only to end up as a deceiving prelude to my life now which gushes and flows rapidly like torrents of water through a dam broken down. I can hardly react, can hardly feel...the flow of things numb all feelings as situations are thrust upon me one after the other. I flow in and out of my days, allowing momentary joy to capture my mind's attention for i find only unwillingeness to deal with the matters at hand. Which in itself I can't define..lost in an onslaught of my own emotions. Then again, emotions are just that- feelings. Its better than having to deal with the cold, hard truths of life which are dealt to me blow after blow and yet, life must go on. It clenches my fists like wrought iron chains and my weight is dragged along by the carriage of life which moves at full speed to which i simply can't match up to hence I am mercileesly dragged along the bumpy roads. I can't even stand on my own two feet for alas! I have no time to stand even. Why do i keep looking for excuses? Why does my mind keep wandering and dwelling on issues that seem non-important, to the world at least not to me? Is the world really out to suffocate me or is it just pinching my throat just a little for it cares too much to allow me to suffocate without warning me first?Its a downward spiral of actions, doings, feelings and my reactions to them.Every once in awhile I calm my raging pessismism and try to shuffle my feet, but each time I fall flat on my face and each fall more painful than the former. I've got to WAKE UP! What am I doing? What am i saying? If reality is harsh, so be it. Its better facing it now rather than spending my days in fantastical dreams only to have that very same reality hit me hard one day...it will eventually so why not now? Sometimes all i need is someone to say that they believe in me...and truly mean what they say, every word of it. People come, people go...people say things but just as you allow the positive enrgy to rush in, u realise that it was all a fantasy that the mind conjured. I know i shouldn't rely on people to make or break me...my life essentially, being the year that it is. But sometimes I can't help thinking that alll these thoughts would vanish like quicksand if that special someone would just wrap her arms around me and tell me she loves me....then perhaps i would believe in myself